


Hold On To Me And We'll Make It Out Alive

by CaptainKyburz



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Almost Dying, Bucky Barnes Feels, Codependency, Community: capkink, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Prompt Fill, Steve Rogers Feels, almost freezing to death, unhealthy codependency, written for a prompt on capkink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-05
Updated: 2014-07-07
Packaged: 2018-02-07 12:27:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1899027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainKyburz/pseuds/CaptainKyburz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If they get out of this alive, Steve is never going to take the heat for granted again. He’ll crank up the heater on his and Bucky’s floor of Stark tower so high that they’re constantly sweating, even during the peak or summer. He’ll refuse to shower under anything less than boiling water. He’ll pile every blanket in the damn building on their bed.</p><p><i>If</i> they get out of this alive.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for [this](http://capkink.dreamwidth.org/1349.html?thread=279877#cmt279877) capkink prompt which asks for Steve and Bucky almost dying in the cold and than not wanting to leave each others' sides.
> 
> I posted the original fill on the site (click the link if you want to see it), and am now posting this finalized and re-edited version here.
> 
> Warnings: in this fic, character(s) almost freeze to death, and there are morbid thoughts.

It was supposed to be a routine mission, but like everything else in their lives, the word ‘routine’ tends to mean ‘probably going to go horribly wrong’. Captain America and the Winter Soldier would fly to a small HYDRA base in the Antarctic, bust some skulls, and return with the experimental bio-weapons being kept there. The place was so small, there was no need for backup, and they were the best choice for the mission because their super-human bodies would do better in the cold.

Steve hadn’t wanted to go, and he knew Bucky hadn’t either. Neither of them had very good memories of the cold. It could be saddening on the best days, and on the worst a splash of cold water could send either of them into a downward spiral of misery. But there was a mission to complete, and Steve wouldn’t be able to rest easy if he knew that he could have saved lives but chose not to. Of course, no matter how much Steve argued that he didn’t have to go, Bucky insisted that he wouldn’t make Steve go through it alone.

Right about now, he’s probably regretting that decision.

The first half of the mission had gone well enough; Steve and Bucky had taken out the HYDRA agents with relative ease, and gained access to the small vault in which the weapons were stored. Then it all went to shit. The moment Steve removed the clear case of vials from the pedestal on which it rested, a siren began to blare out its alarm. Fearing HYDRA backup, or some kind of trap, they had turned to exit the vault, only to have the door slam shut in front of them. A second later, the lights went dead, and the low hum of the heating system, which had been a constant background noise throughout the mission, faded to silence.

Steve sets the case back down, and pounds on the door with his shield. There isn’t even a tremor. Without the lights it’s pitch black, so he pulls the small flashlight from his belt, and flicks it on. The small but harsh light shines sharply on the flat, seamless metal where the door handle had previously been, and behind him, Steve hears a sharp intake of breath.

Bucky has pressed himself into the back corner of the small room, his back against the wall, arms wrapped around his torso.

Dropping the shield, Steve takes the few steps to cross the distance and pull Bucky into his arms. The other man goes willingly, slumping against the warmth of Steve’s chest. He buries his face in the crook of Steve’s neck, cheek pressed against the collar of Steve’s heavy jacket. Steve can feel him shaking slightly, even through all the layers they’re wearing.

“Hey, Bucky, it’s okay. Shhh,” Steve whispers, pressing a soft kiss to Bucky’s hairline.

Bucky lifts his head and manages a weak smile. “’m fine, punk, don’t worry.”

Bucky isn’t fine, and they both know it, but Steve pushes that to the side in order to focus on their current predicament. The temperature has already dropped noticeably, and without power to the heaters, it will continue to do so. Steve figures that this is some sort of containment procedure, meant to shut down the facility if those vials are ever removed. There has to be some sort of way to stop this; a code, or password that will turn the power back on, but even if they knew what it was, they’re trapped in here.

Steve pulls back, and raises his right arm to access the transmitter on his wrist. The radio can only call the ship they flew in on, which is empty, but there is also an emergency alert, which can tell the ship to send a call for help back to SHIELD. He taps in the code as Bucky watches intently. The watch beeps and flashes green, meaning the signal has been transmitted. Now, all they can do is hope the call went through, and help arrives in time.

Steve slides down against the wall and pulls Bucky with him. They arrange themselves so that Steve’s back it against the wall, and Bucky is half next to him, half curled against his chest. Steve wraps his arms around Bucky, and presses another kiss to his forehead before pulling up the hood of his jacket. He reaches back and pulls up the hood of his own, and they sit in silence.

The temperature drops quickly, meaning there must be some sort of ventilation from the vault to the rest of the building. Steve hadn’t even thought about air before this point, and he’s relieved that breathing is one thing they won’t have to worry about. His sigh is abruptly cut short when he sees that his breath has begun to cloud in front of his face.

“Hey, Stevie,” Bucky murmurs, “you remember our little apartment back in Brooklyn?”

“Yeah,” Steve replies. Of course he remembers it. He remembers how cold it would get in the winter, how they would pile every blanket they had on their single bed, but Steve would still mange to get ten different kinds of sick. How every night Bucky would try not to let on how worried he was that Steve wouldn’t make it to the morning.

“You remember how hot it’d get in the summer? How we’d open the window, but we’d always end up all covered in sweat?” Bucky asks.

Steve laughs, but it sounds hollow and forced even to his own ears. “Yeah, Buck. ‘Course I do.” His breath freezes in the air in front of him, and he understands what Bucky’s trying to do, but he can’t think of anything but the cold all around them.

“If we get back, I’m gonna turn up the heater so high _Stark_ is gonna have a heart attack at the bill,” Bucky jokes, but Steve can’t find the strength to force another laugh.

If they get out of this alive, Steve is never going to take the heat for granted again. He’ll crank up the heater on his and Bucky’s floor of Stark tower so high that they’re constantly sweating, even during the peak or summer. He’ll refuse to shower under anything less than boiling water. He’ll pile every blanket in the damn building on their bed.

 _If_ they get out of this alive.

They sit in silence for a long time, and Steve watches frost form on the inside of the vials in the light of his little flashlight. It’s well below freezing now, and they’re shivering and huddling closer. Steve is incredibly thankful for the SHIELD-issue cold weather gear, something he didn’t have when he crashed the plane seventy years ago. He shivers a little harder just thinking about it. The cold, the icy water. Steve hadn’t been knocked completely unconscious when he crashed, and the cold had sunk in slowly as he faded away.

He clenches his hands into fists, and is surprised by how stiff they are. Steve takes Bucky’s flesh-and-blood hand into his own and squeezes. It’s a horrifyingly long moment before Bucky squeezes back, and curls in closer to Steve.

“St-Steve? If we d-die, I want you to know, I l-love you…” Bucky whispers through chattering teeth.

“I love you, too,” Steve chokes out through the tightness in his throat. It isn’t the first time they’ve said it, but it‘s the first time they’ve said it like _this_ , and Steve wants to scream with how unfair it all is. This was supposed to be their second chance, their future together, and now they’re going to die, frozen in some godforsaken HYDRA base in the Antarctic, because if help hasn’t shown up by now Steve doesn’t think it will. It’s almost fucking ironic, and maybe seventy years from now some new world will find them, and pull them out of the ice. Maybe they’ll need to be heroes again, or maybe they’ll be completely obsolete; just relics from long, long ago.

“I-I don’t regret it,” Bucky whispers, and Steve wants to pretend he doesn’t know what Bucky is talking about. “Any of i-it. N-not a s-single day. I’d do it-t all again.”

“God, B-Bucky,” Steve is almost crying. “Me too. I-I’d—for y-you.”

“F-for you,” Bucky agrees.

They don’t say anything after that. Steve can’t feel his legs, or his hands actually, and his lips hurt. His life doesn’t so much flash before his eyes as flow by, a river of memories. His mother, and Bucky, and the orphanage, and Bucky, and the army, and the serum, and _Bucky_ , and then the Commandoes, and Bucky falling, and the plane, and promising Peggy that dance. (He’s made no such promises here, but he can’t make himself lie.) Waking up, and the new world, and aliens, and gods, and monsters, and _Bucky again_ , and it’s all so unfair that he lost everything and found it again just to lose it all over.

Steve knows he’s dying when he starts hearing the voices and the noise. It’s loud, and bothersome, and he just wants it to go away so this can be over. Bucky makes a soft, bothered sound, and then Steve’s heart almost stops, because _the lights come back on_. There’s a loud metallic groaning, and everything is too bright and too loud and there are voices and Steve doesn’t know what’s going on anymore.

“Shit! They’re here! Get the stretchers!” shouts the loudest voice, and then there are gentle hands on his body and he’s moving and suddenly Bucky isn’t is his arms anymore. He wants to reach out, or call for Bucky but he can’t and then he’s moving.

The lights and the sound change and there’s something on top of him and it’s all white then its not, but none of that matters because he doesn’t know where Bucky is. There’s a flash of light in front of his eyes, and then someone is placing more things on top of him, and Steve doesn’t know what’s happening.

He tries to form words, but all he can get out is “B- Bu…”

“He’s trying to say something… Captain? It’s alright, everything’s fine, you’re safe,” a soft voice says, and Steve wants to tell her that it’s not alright, everything isn’t fine, because Bucky isn’t there.

“B-Bucky,” Steve finally manages to choke out.

“Agent Barnes is fine, Captain, he’s right here,” the woman says, and Steve is trying to focus on her, but everything is blurry and faded.

“Bucky,” he repeats, stronger this time, and he tries to reach out, because if Bucky is ‘right here’ why cant Steve hold him? Why can’t Steve make sure Bucky is okay?

“Captain, stop moving, you’re going to hurt yourself!”

Steve doesn’t care. He needs to sit up, he needs to see Bucky. He can’t feel his hands, and his legs are numb, but it doesn’t matter. He lurches to the side, and then he’s falling, but hands catch him. “Bucky!” He shouts, and it hurts his throat.

“Strap him down, he’s going to hurt himself!”

“Captain Rogers calm down! Please!”

And then “Steve!” and it’s _Bucky_ he’s _there_ and Steve tries to move again because he has to get to Bucky.

“Oh, fuck it, just put ‘em together,” a loud voice says, and suddenly Steve is moving again, and then he’s right there, next to Bucky, and he tries to reach out, to hold on to Bucky.

He’s moved some more, and there are hands on him. They arrange him so that he’s laying next to Bucky, blankets on top of them both, and they’re safe, and Steve can slowly feel the warmth ebbing back into him limbs, and it’s okay, they’re okay.

 _Bucky_ , is the last thought Steve has before he drifts off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be up within a few days, and I will post one chapter a day until the fic is complete.
> 
> Visit me on tumblr to chat about two dorky nonagenarian boyfriends [here](http://thebarnesidentity.tumblr.com/).
> 
> Comments give me life, so please, tell me what you thought.
> 
> ^_^


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: Please, please, _please_ do not ever rip out your IV. Ever. Just don't.

When Steve opens his eyes, he’s in a hospital bed, and Bucky is curled up next to him. The moment he stirs, Bucky is awake and staring at him. There are dark circles under Bucky’s eyes, and he looks tired, but the grin that spreads across his face is real.

Steve can feel himself smiling back as warmth bubbles up in his chest. “Hey, Buck,” he croaks out, and his voice cracks, but he’s so happy he doesn’t care.

“Hey, Stevie,” Bucky replies softly, and leans in to press a soft kiss to Steve’s lips.

It’s short, but sweet, and they part only moments before a nurse enters the room. She smiles kindly at them. “Good, you’re awake! How do you feel, Captain?”

“I’m fine, ma’am. Please, just call me Steve,” he says. Bucky settles back against him, head against his shoulder.

“Only if you call me Teresa,” she laughs as she checks the machines next to him “You really are doing much better; that serum really must be something! Agent Barnes has the knockoff, and look what he did…” she trails off with a little wave of her hand, and begins writing notes on a clipboard.

Steve turns to Bucky, confused. “Bucky?”

“I… when I woke up, you weren’t here, so I tried to find you,” Bucky says.

Teresa huffs loudly. “He didn’t ‘try to find you’, he _ripped out his IV_ , and went running though the medical ward, knocking down agents. Hasn’t left here since. Maybe now that you’re awake he’ll _go and get some rest_.” The last part is said obviously for Bucky’s benefit, but Steve feels a sudden stab of worry. He doesn’t want Bucky to leave.

Steve barely holds back his sigh of relief when Bucky shakes his head. “I can rest fine here, thanks. Besides, the little punk needs me to watch out for him.”

Teresa huffs again, but this time in a fond way. “Young love,” she mutters before leaving.

Once the door closes behind her, Steve turns to look at Bucky. “You really did that?” he asks.

Bucky nods, but doesn’t say anything. He looks down, not meeting Steve’s eyes.

“I love you,” Steve whispers, and he does, he loves Bucky so, so much, and he want to say it again, because last time it was too much like saying goodbye. But they’re alive now, and it’s okay, and Steve wants to tell Bucky how much he loves him over and over again.

“I love you, too,” Bucky replies, and if Steve thought he was smiling brightly before, this smile is a thousand times better.

+

They’re released from the medical ward later that day, told to get plenty of rest, and given orders to arrive at 0800 tomorrow to debrief. Natasha picks them up in a sleek black car, and drives them back to Stark Tower. The ride is silent, and they hold hands in the back seat the entire time. She leans out the window to look at them when she drops them off.

“I have to go, but… I’m glad you’re okay. Both of you.” She pulls away before they can do anything more than thank her.

Steve leads the way into the building, and back to their floor. Bucky never strays from a half-step behind him, and when they enter the elevator, he leans in close to rest his head on Steve’s shoulder. The touch is almost hesitant, like Bucky wants to do it, but thinks it might bother him. Steve doesn’t mind at all. He leans into the touch, and brings his hand up to rest on Bucky’s waist.

He can feel Bucky’s smile against his skin, and it takes a surprising amount of effort to pull away when the elevator reaches their floor.

Once they’re inside their rooms, Steve pulls Bucky over to the ridiculous couch that’s almost as big as their bed. He grabs a blanket and throws it over them as they sit down. Bucky sprawls half on and half off Steve’s chest. It grows warmer under he blanket immediately, but Steve likes it. In fact, he doesn’t think he’ll ever mind the heat again. Bucky must agree, because he makes a happy sound.

“Steve?” he asks softly, “We made it, didn’t we?”  
“Yeah, Buck, we made it,” Steve replies, because _they did_. They made it. They came in from the cold, twice over. They’ve both almost died once, alone, scared, _frozen_ , and then the world tried to take them from each other again, in a horrifyingly similar way. They held on to each other as they froze to death, and isn’t it ironic that it was HYDRA’s fault that time, too? Now, they’re alive, and safe, and _warm_ , and Steve isn’t letting go of Bucky ever again.

+

Steve wakes for the second time that day, this time because of a pain in his gut. He ignores it for a moment to take in his surroundings. It’s late afternoon, almost evening, and Bucky is sprawled over him, happily asleep, with a little smile on his face that Steve will never get tired of drawing. Bucky’s arms are wrapped around his chest, their legs are slotted together, and Steve can honestly imagine spending forever like this. The only problem is that his bladder is screaming at him to get up.

He gently tries to untangle their limbs, but the blanket draped over them makes it difficult. He’s almost out when Bucky stirs sleepily.

“Steve?” he asks, and Steve feels an odd wave of relief wash over him. He didn’t want to wake Bucky, because he needs rest, but he also didn’t just want to leave Bucky there. Even a short trip to the bathroom seems like far too long to leave Bucky alone for.

“I’m here,” he replies, and Bucky smiles as he wipes the sleep from his eyes.

“Where are you going?” Bucky sits up, and Steve takes the opportunity to finish untangling them from the blanket. The air against his skin is cooler, and even though the temperature of the room should be comfortable, Steve shivers. Bucky rubs his metal hand gently up and down Steve’s back, the same way he used to do during one of Steve’s asthma attacks. It’s a pleasant, comforting sensation, as the heat of their bodies has warmed the metal.

“Bathroom, gotta piss,” Steve replies. He needs to go, unless he plans on wetting himself right here, but the thought of leaving Bucky even for a second is becoming more and more unattractive. He scrambles for an excuse to keep Bucky in his sight. “I need a shower, too….” He trails off, hoping Bucky will get the hint.

Bucky does. “Is that an invitation, Rogers?” He asks with a smirk.

Steve pulls him to his feet and leads him to the bathroom by way of answer. As they enter the room, he heads to the toilet and Bucky to the shower. It doesn’t escape Steve’s notice that Bucky makes sure the water is hot before stepping in.

To an outside observer, the lack of boundaries they have might seem strange, but to Steve it feels as natural as breathing. They grew up in each others’ pockets in a tiny apartment in Brooklyn where privacy was an entirely foreign concept, and now, even with the amount of space they have, Steve doesn’t want it any other way.

He finishes up and turns to the shower, from which Bucky is staring at him expectantly. He strips down and steps into the hot water. It’s hot enough to sting at first, but Steve can’t bring himself to mind it, and the heat is pleasant.

Water runs down Bucky’s face and bare chest, and Steve leans forward to kiss away a drop of it that’s about to run into his eyes. Bucky laughs softly, and pulls him down for a real kiss.

They trade soft kisses as they cleanse themselves under the steaming water, but it doesn’t really feel like it’s leading to anything else, even though they’re both naked and touching. After they’re done, they dry off with huge fluffy towels, and rush to clothe themselves against air that now seems far too chilly.

+

They’re curled up on the couch again, this time watching the news, and Steve is internally debating whether to order out or just cook in their kitchen when JARVIS interrupts them.

“Sirs? Mr. Stark has requested your presence in the communal living room.”

Bucky sighs, “Do we have to go?”

“Will Stark throw a fit if we don’t?” Steve counters. Talking to the rest of the Avengers isn’t something he’s up for right now, but there will probably be food, and it’s not in his nature to say no to that, even if he’d really rather just stay here with Bucky.

“Ugh,” Bucky sighs, and stands up. “C’mon Stevie.”

He leads the way to the elevator with Steve trailing close behind.

+

The Avengers (minus Thor, who last Steve heard was in Asgard) are all slumped in various positions on couches facing a TV that takes up most of the wall. Pizza boxes are stacked high on the center table, and Clint is waving a slice through the air while telling a story that, judging by his motions, involves either stabbing a tall person or hailing a taxi. Maybe both.

Bucky plops himself down at the end of the couch, and Steve sits next to him. Steve accepts the pizza box that Bruce passes to them with a smile and a ‘thanks’.

“Oh good, now that grandpa popsicles one and two are here, we can start the movie... JARVIS, roll film!” Tony declares. Natasha shoots him a _look_ and Clint grumbles something about not being able to finish his story. As the lights in the room dim and the previews begin to play, Steve feels Bucky reach over to lace their fingers together. He squeezes softly, and Bucky smiles at him over a slice of pizza.

The movie involves mechanical suits, aliens, “glorious combat,” blatant disrespect to military procedure, one scene that reminds Steve of the Howling Commandos so much he has to close his eyes when the characters die, a plot that doesn’t really make sense at the end, and a lot of Tony complaining how the book was much better, and that _oh my god robots better than that actually exist right now_. Steve doesn’t really pay much attention after the main character makes a complete ass of himself in the first scene. He’s more focused on the way Bucky’s head is resting on his shoulder, and his arm is around Steve’s waist.

He does pay attention to the ending though, and the song that plays when the credits roll reminds him a little too much of a time when Bucky didn’t remember him. He feels the warmth radiate from Bucky’s body, the way his arm is around Steve’s waist, and Steve’s is around his shoulders, and reminds himself, not for the first—or even tenth—time that day, that they’re together, and they’re safe.

When the screen goes dark and the lights come back on, Clint declares it a solid B+ on the Official Hawkeye Movie Scale, and the Avengers drift off to their rooms to sleep. (Steve is pretty sure Tony actually goes down to his workshops to _prove_ he can build a better robotic suit, but as long as their rest isn’t interrupted by explosions, he couldn’t care less.)

He and Bucky get ready for bed together, and exchange toothpaste-flavored kisses as they climb under the covers. Bucky pulls the blankets up high, and curls against Steve’s back, a warm, comforting presence. He brushes his lips against the crook of Steve’s neck and slings one arm over Steve’s waist.

“G’night, Stevie.”

“Night, Buck.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I got done editing this chapter faster than I thought I would, but the next one might take a little longer because I'm not really happy with it. (Although I doubt that I'll ever be, but _oh well_.)
> 
> *shrugs*
> 
> Well, here, have some cute Avengers bonding, and a virtual cookie (or treat of equal value) to anyone who can guess the movie they were watching!
> 
> ^_^


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mild warnings for an almost-panic attack and just some generally upset thoughts.
> 
> Also, the codependency is strong with these two.

Their alarm wakes them at six, and by unspoken agreement they roll out of bed and stumble into the bathroom together, taking turns with the sinks and toilet to get ready. Normally, Steve would have woken up much earlier to run—and if Bucky was feeling up to it, he would accompany Steve—but like Teresa said, even super-soldiers need rest, and Steve would rather stay in bed with Bucky anyway.

They have cereal and fruit for breakfast, then dress in clothing professional enough for their meeting. Natasha meets them at the Stark Tower parking garage at 0730, as she was heading to SHIELD anyway and offered them a ride.

By 0755, Steve and Bucky are sitting outside Director Fury’s office, and Steve’s fingers are gently tracing the ridges of Bucky’s metal ones. He reluctantly pulls away five minutes later when a dark-haired young man tells them the Director is ready to see them.

After most missions, they would debrief with another officer who sends the official report to Fury. Only for the most important, or disastrous, missions do they report directly to the Director himself. The occasions in which this happened had become even fewer after it was discovered that over half of SHIELD was in fact HYDRA, because the Director had spent most of the last few months rebuilding SHIELD from the wreckage, and making sure this new organization’s sole purpose was truly to protect the people of Earth from threats both foreign and domestic.

Steve leads the way into Fury’s office and sits in one of the chairs facing his desk, Bucky following a moment later. Fury is scanning a file on his desk with a critical gaze, and if Steve had not been entirely too familiar with military intimidation techniques he would have found the silence awkward.

Finally, Fury speaks, “You mind telling me what the hell happened in there, Captain?”

Steve recounts the mission with attention to detail honed by years of capturing images on paper and giving military reports just like this one. He tells the Director how he and Bucky had taken out the guards and scientists in the facility and found the vault. Occasionally, Bucky cuts in with something Steve missed, and he’s forcefully reminded that though he sees like an artist and a strategist, Bucky sees like a sniper, and, of course, an assassin.

Steve manages to tell up to the point where the vault door slams shut, but then his voice cracks.

Bucky notices, and jumps in smoothly, and Steve listens while Bucky describes with cool detachment the cold and pitch black of the vault.

“—I don’t remember much of it after a while. It fades in and out, then the rescue ship, and the hospital.” Bucky finishes. He sound calm about the ordeal, but Steve can see the way his fists are clenched.

“I see,” Fury replies. He looks thoughtful for a moment before turning back to Steve. “Do you have anything to add, Rogers?”

“No, Sir,” Steve replies.

The Director goes quiet for a moment, then, “Well, the operation was officially a success. Our research departments are currently analyzing the bio-weapons HYDRA was producing, and the facility has been shut down. You two, however, were both in a situation that would have killed a normal human, and almost succeeded in killing you. I’m placing you both on A Level missions only for the next two weeks. Dismissed.”

Steve holds in a smile as they file out of Fury’s office. Level A missions are catastrophes, things that can only be solved by the Avengers, or a similar force. It’s the closest thing to leave they’re ever going to get. His train of thought is interrupted by Bucky lacing their fingers together as they step into the elevator.

“Two weeks, huh?” Bucky asks as the door closes behind them. They’re the only two inside, so Steve quickly presses the ground floor button before turning to look at Bucky.

He leans in slightly, “So much time… what could we possibly do?”

Bucky smirks, but the door dings softly and opens before he has a chance to reply. Instead, he throws Steve a look and pulls him from the elevator and through the lobby.

+

The next week passes in a Bucky-centric blur. Wake up, sometimes run, get ready, and eat breakfast, all with Bucky at his side. They spend days with the Avengers, or Sam, and once even Peggy, who called Bucky ‘Sergeant Barnes’ and asked him if he still chased skirts. When Bucky replied with a quick ‘no, ma’am,’ she laughed softly and told him to treat Steve right, or she’d put the fear of god into him. Steve laughed, and even though Peggy forgot the entire conversation only ten minutes later, he thought that she was still one of the sharpest people he’s ever met.

+

On the eighth day of their ‘leave,’ a man who can cause earthquakes with his mind threatens to set off the San-Andreas Fault, and after that, every fault line along the Ring of Fire. Steve holds Bucky’s hand on the flight out, and they exit the Quinjet side by side.

There is one utterly terrifying moment while the buildings are shaking and crumbling around them, when a shower of debris falls between him and Bucky, and his chest tightens like it did before the serum as he races to the last place he saw Bucky. Panic rises in him as he screams out Bucky’s name, followed by horror when there is no answering call until finally he hears a cry of ‘Steve! Over here!’ Fortunately, Bucky had managed to dive out of the way, but he’s just as shaken as Steve is. They hold each other tightly on the flight home, after the man has been stopped and taken into custody, and Steve ignores the concerned looks the other Avengers give them.

+

Steve’s first solo mission comes three days after the end of their two weeks. The word solo is relative, seeing as he’ll have a team of SHIELD Agents behind him, but without _Bucky_ it can only be classified as solo. During the briefing, they tell him that it should be relatively easy, and he has to hold back a pained laughter at that, because his last ‘easy’ mission almost got him killed.

This time, Steve’s assignment is to lead a team that will take down a terrorist organization that has captured a SHIELD ship, and free the crew. The mission is similar to one he’s had many times before, which says something about the level of security SHIELD has on its vessels, and the fact that he is the only high-level agent on the team means there should be no ulterior motive behind any of it.

He spends the night before his mission curled protectively around Bucky, trying to sleep. It should be fine. The mission should only take a few hours, and then he and Bucky will be together again. But a few hours is a long time, and he has no way to keep Bucky safe if he’s halfway across the world. Eventually, Steve drifts off into an uneasy sleep, listening to the steady in and out of Bucky’s breath.

+

In the morning, they stay especially close together as they get ready for their days. Steve doesn’t let Bucky out of his sight for longer than it takes to blink, and every time he glances over, he sees Bucky staring at him like he might disappear any second.

Bucky squeezes his hand throughout the car ride to the SHIELD building, and Steve holds on just as tightly. They linger on the airstrip, neither of them wanting to say goodbye but both of them knowing they have to. Finally, an intimidated-looking agent tells Steve that they’re leaving in two minutes.

As the agent walks away, Bucky pulls Steve in for a rough, passionate kiss, the kind he usually saves for more private locations. Steve kisses back just as desperately, and when Bucky pulls away with a final soft nip to his bottom lip, Steve leans in to press their foreheads together.

“Stay safe, punk,” Bucky whispers, and Steve’s heart aches, because he doesn’t want to go, he doesn’t want to leave Bucky. He can’t leave Bucky.

But he has to, so he forces himself to murmur, “You too, jerk.”

Steve steps away, and into the plane. As he takes his seat, it hits him that this is the first time he’s been away from Bucky since the mission.

It’s a terrifying thought.

+

Steve spends the entire flight out with a clenched jaw, his hands tight on his knees. _Nothing has happened to Bucky, he’s fine, you’ll see him in a few hours_ , he chants over and over in his head. It doesn’t help.

Finally, the ship comes into view below them, and the doors of the jet open. Steve steps forward, and SHIELD Agents line up behind them. They’re all ready to do what needs to be done, and Steve takes a moment to calm himself before leaping from the plane.

The cold water hits him like a brick wall to the face. It’s all around him, and when he gasps water enters him mouth, choking him. The cold throws memories of crashing the plane, and freezing in the HYDRA facility to the forefront of his mind.

 _No_ , he shouts internally. He isn’t going to die like this, not again. Steve kicks to the surface of the water, angles himself towards the ship, and starts swimming. The faster he gets this over with, the faster he can get back to Bucky.

The thought spurs him onward as he pulls himself up over the rail, and onto the ship. Steve takes out the handful of guards on the upper deck, and moments later, his team of SHIELD Agents parachute down.

As soon as the first agents land, Steve leads the way to the lower levels. They take out threats with relative ease, and soon almost all the rooms are clear, except the main engine room where the ship’s crew is being held.

Suddenly, every door slams shut, and an alarm rings through the ship. It’s horribly reminiscent of the HYDRA facility, and Steve has to remind himself that this time, there are other people, and he has backup on a plane above high above him. 

There are three other agents in the room with him, and all immediately turn to him for orders. He scans the room they’re trapped in for a way out, and finally spots one: the air vent. It’s another sign that this time is different, and this time isn’t going to end the same as before.

Quickly, Steve pulls relays the order through his comm. “If the doors are sealed, exit through the air vents. Rendezvous on the upper deck.”

A series of ‘yes, Captain’s answer him, so Steve turns to address the three agents with him. “We’re going after the crew.”

Without further delay, Steve turns to break off the vent covering, and pulls himself inside. It’s a tight fit, but he can manage, and he crawls forward to give the other agents room to climb in. Once all three have entered the vent, Steve starts moving.

He knows from the blueprints of the vessel that these vents run all the way through the ship. If they continue straight, they should come to a juncture from which a right turn will take them directly to the main engine room.

They crawl along for a few minutes, the silence occasionally interrupted by other agents radioing in that they have reached the upper decks, until Steve hears a low, metallic rattle coming from behind them. Steve freezes and listens carefully. The rattle stays low, and if the ship weren’t so silent it would be almost unnoticeable.

After a long, tense moment, the blast of cold air hits them.

Some back part of Steve’s mind processes that the low rattle was air from the ship’s cooling unit entering the vents, and that this is most likely an automated system regulating the ship’s temperature, but the rest of his mind is overwhelmed by rising panic.

Steve can’t breathe, can’t think. It’s cold all around, and suddenly the ventilation shaft seems far too constricting. He’s going to die down here, but he can’t, because he has to get back to Bucky, to keep him safe, he promised he wa—

The agent behind him softly taps his ankle, and it’s enough to pull him from his panic. “Captain?” she asks in a soft voice, “are you alright?”

Steve realizes that he was—still is—shaking, and that his hands are clenched into fists. He unclenches them, trying to focus in the mission, and not the cold air blowing past him. _This time is different_ , he tells himself, _there’s a way out this time_.

“I’m fine,” he replies, and resumes the crawl forward. If they notice that he’s moving faster they don’t mention it, and Steve is incredibly grateful for that.

Eight long minutes later, they arrive in the vent directly above the main engine room. Steve can see the crewmembers huddled together in a far corner of the room, guarded by two men, and wastes no time knocking out the vent covering and leaping down into the room.

He takes out the closest guard with a punch to the throat, and the other with his shield. The agents behind him follow him from the vent, and within a few moments the fight is over. This room is noticeably warmer than the vent was, and Steve takes deep breaths while he helps up the liberated crewmembers. One of them taps in a code on a computer, and the doors of the ship swing open.

As Steve leads the way up to the upper deck, and the plane waiting to pick them up, he feels wave of relief wash over him. He’s fine. He can get on the plane, and fly back, and in just a little while he’ll be back with Bucky.

+

Steve is the first person off when the plane touches down. As soon as his boots hit the ground he’s off, running towards where Bucky is racing to him. They meet in the middle, and Steve throws his arms around Bucky as tightly as he can. Bucky hugs back just as hard, and Steve can feel that they’re both shaking like leaves in the wind.

“God, Buck, I missed you so much,” Steve whispers when he lifts his face from where it was pressed into Bucky’s neck.

Bucky makes a soft sound of assent, and Steve wouldn’t trade being able to hold Bucky like this for anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I got done with this chapter more quickly than I thought I would, and I'm actually (surprisingly) pretty okay with it. Eh. ~_~
> 
> I dunno, what do you guys think?
> 
> (Final chapter up tomorrow! UwU)
> 
> ^_^


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *vibrates excitedly*
> 
> F i n a l C h a p t e r !

It happens five days after Steve’s mission.

He and Bucky wander into the common room in the early afternoon, smiling and holding hands, only to find all the Avengers, and Sam, sitting on the couches, staring at them.

Steve stops, confused, and Bucky, who is unwilling to let go of Steve’s hand, takes another step before halting as well.

“Surprise, it’s an intervention!” Tony says sarcastically, and throws a handful of confetti towards them. Natasha watches the confetti fall like she wants to set it on fire, and then gives Tony a look that would make a lesser man wet his pants. Steve is almost impressed by the way he ignores her death-glare, and continues, “For the record, I wanted to get balloons and a banner, y’know, like the ‘Happy Birthday’ ones, but Green Giant and Bird-Boy said no.“

“It’s not an intervention,” Sam says kindly, “just, sit down, please.” He gestures to the two empty seats.

“I’ll stand,” Bucky says, and Steve nods in agreement. He squeezes Bucky’s hand, trying to say, ‘whatever this is, I’ve got your back’.

Sam sighs, “I don’t know how to say this, but I—we have all been thinking that maybe… you’ve been spending a bit too much time together.”

Steve blinks. He looks over at Bucky, who has a confused expression similar to the one he thinks is on his own face.

“It isn’t healthy to spend that much time with a person,” Sam continues. “We know that you two went through a traumatic incident, but spending every second together isn’t the way to deal with this.”

“Tha—that’s ridiculous,” Steve finally manages to say. “We live together, how could we not spend time together. And we haven’t been together _all_ the time. I mean, I went on a solo mission just the other day.”

The other Avengers give them sad looks. “Neither of you left your room the day after,” Natasha says.

“But we still don’t spend every second together!” Steve almost shouts.

“Name one other time you’ve left each others’ sights for more than a minute,” Sam counters.

“I—we—” Steve struggles to come up with an answer for Sam. The fact that he _can’t_ hits him like a train. He has spent every minute with Bucky, from training, to sleeping, even going to the bathroom. And even on his solo mission, every third thought had been about Bucky.

“It’s really creepy,” Tony says, after a long moment. “The whole codependency thing.”

“Tony,” Bruce chides, “what he means to say is that the amount of time you two spend together has become concerning to the rest of us.”

“Your love for your shield-brother is admirable, friend Steven and Soldier of Winter, yet also troubling,” Thor adds.

Sam nods, “I don’t doubt that you two love each other, but attachment _is_ a coping mechanism for these sorts of situations.”

“What type of situations, Wilson?” Back asks, as his hand tightens around Steve’s, and Steve realizes that he hasn’t said anything until now. “Ones where one person watches the other die, and then almost dies himself? Where the other person doesn’t actually die, but gets brainwashed and tortured for seventy years, finally gets to have some semblance of a normal life, and then almost dies again? Those types of situations?”

“Any sort of trauma ca—” Sam starts to say, but Bucky is already letting go of Steve’s hand and storming out the door. There is a sharp metallic crunch and tear as the hinges strain against the force of Bucky’s metal arm. Steve turns to follow, casting the other Avengers an angry glare.

He slams the door behind him, and the already weak hinges give way. He hears it crash to the ground as he chases after Bucky, and Tony say, “I think that went well.”

Steve catches up with Bucky in the elevator, barely managing to slip inside before the door closes. Bucky is slumped against the wall, glaring at anything and everything except for Steve.

The door dings, and the moment it opens, Bucky storms out. Steve walks fast to keep up with him.

“Bucky, wait,” he calls out as Bucky reaches for the door to the spare bedroom, which Steve knows for a fact has never been used. In desperation, he reaches out and grabs Bucky’s right arm.

It takes Steve less than a second to realize that grabbing an angry Bucky might be a bad idea, but by then Bucky is spinning around and pushing Steve off him with the metal arm. He looks more sad than angry now, and Steve wants nothing more than to wrap Bucky in his arms and hold him close.

“Sorry,” Bucky whispers as he leans back against the door. He says it quietly enough that a non-enhanced person wouldn’t have heard it, but with his super-hearing, Steve catches the quiet word.

“You didn’t hurt me, Buck,” Steve replies, softly.

Bucky shakes his head, “No, I’m sorry about… before. I shouldn’t have forced you to stay with me all that time, I should’ve known you’d be too nice to say something about me being… clingy.”

“You weren’t bothering me,” Steve says. Slowly, carefully, he reaches out to rest his hand on Bucky’s shoulder, giving the other man plenty of time to pull away if he wants to. “I like staying with you. You mean the world to me, Buck, and all that time, I liked it when I could see you, I liked that I could make sure you were okay.”

Bucky leans into the touch, and Steve takes the opportunity to step in closer. “I’m the one who’s supposed to be looking out for you,” Bucky mutters. He smiles softly and steps in close, before finally wrapping his arms around Steve.

Steve buries his head in Bucky’s hair and breathes in the scent of him. It’s comforting, and warm, and so _Bucky_ that he sighs softly, before murmuring, “How’re you doing with that?”

Bucky laughs into the curve of his neck, before tilting his head up, “I’d be doing better if the guy I was supposed to be taking care of wasn’t such a punk.”

“Jerk,” Steve replies, and leans in to kiss him.

+

The next morning, Bucky tells the Avengers to ‘shove their opinions where the sun don’t shine’. Steve wraps an arm around Bucky’s waist to show his agreement to the idea, and, of course, because he just plain wants to.

Clint sighs, and flips another pancake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to thank the academy, the amazing person who originally prompted this, and all the lovely comment-ers and kudos-ers! Y'all are spectacular!
> 
> (On the record: I love all the other Avengers, _Sam is my precious baby_ , and Steve and Bucky were actually acting a bit unhealthily in this fic.)
> 
> (For those of you who might be wondering, the movie in chapter 2 was ' _Edge of Tomorrow_ '.)
> 
> Visit me on tumblr at [thebarnesidentity](http://thebarnesidentity.tumblr.com/) to talk about two dorky nonagenarian boyfriends.
> 
> So, once again, comments give me life, and I would love to know what you thought!
> 
> ^_^


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